"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satistfied." Matthew 5:6

Sometimes you meet someone and you know right away that there is a relationship waiting to be built. You muddle around for a little, and then finally something clicks. All of a sudden you just become completely comfortable and drop any pretense you might have had. You just start being yourself, and open up your heart for whatever might happen next.

Sometimes I feel like I have wandered so far off the path that God wanted me to be on. But without fail, every time I go back into His word and trust Him with my life rather than trying to do it on my own, He shows me His faithfulness. He opens my eyes to the love He has for me in a different way each time. Sometimes I don’t even realize it until after the fact, and other times it seems to surround be instantly.

This was one of those instantaneous times, I believe. I wrote to Him, broken and tired of hurting and trying to do things my own way, and I dove into His word.  Immediately I was filled with peace. He restored my joy, and I could genuinely smile again. I felt free from the suffering I was putting myself through. But He didn’t stop there. Someone was brought into my life that I believe is truly a blessing. I can’t say much else about it now without sounding like an annoying, cliché teenager, but I can say that God knows my heart and I can testify from experience how personal of a God he really is.

 No matter what happens in my life though, In every up and every down, I have to live in the promise that God made me that He will always love me, and always be faithful. The things He blesses me with in the world are nice, but trivial in the long run. If I lose sight of Him I lose everything.

I am truly blessed beyond measure.

Journal till the pages fall out

My journal has seen so much pen action these past few weeks. People aren't joking when they say college is so much different than high school. It's the third week but most days it feels like it's been three months. Not that I'm complaining. I've made so many friends and already had so much fun. College is incredible. But nothing can prepare you for the feeling you get when you go to get your clean laundry from the dryer and you find it thrown on the counter with no remorse. And it's really no fun when the people above you and next to you think it's okay to talk all night and slam doors at 1am.
So far it's been a journey filled with friendships, likes and dislikes, and self-discovery. I'm incredibly blessed to already have an established group of friends (Lacey, Hannah, Madison, Jesse, Rachael, Ben//couldn't live without them) that I know I can count on and trust. At one point Ben and I might have considered becoming more than friends, but we quickly discovered that the only thing for us is your above average awesome friendship. I couldn't be any more grateful for these great people in my life. I like my art class, and I completely dislike my math class. I like eating expensive sushi at the Chinese place in the student center and I really dislike the chewy rice you get at Chow. I could go on for days. As for the self-discovery, it's incredible how much you can learn about yourself just by reading back on the old entries in your journal. I am such an unfaithful person it seems. So many entries detailing my emotions and my feelings at the moment, and so little about long-term commitment and goals. My focus wavers so easily, and I am incredibly indecisive. These are things I see in the mirrors that I know don't reflect God. So I have to work, and pray, and let God have his way in my heart. I can't hold onto my feelings for the fleeting moment, I have to let myself nail down definite things in my life and keep the commitment. I have to live with the choices I make even if they suck. I can't waver in my decisions, because that produces unfaithfulness. The last thing I want in this world is to be unfaithful to my friends, my future husband, my commitments, and most importantly my God. So I start on a path that I'm not going to turn my back on. I'm not alone though; my Savior walks beside me, faithful in every step. Even in my unfaithfulness he can't help but to remain faithful to me. I'll never understand that, but I know that's where I find my peace right now.

Next year I hope to look back at that tattered journal of mine with it's scrawly writing and song lyrics spilling out the binding and see the growth in my life. Spiritual, personal, and actual.
 

 "Spirit lead me when my trust is without borders; let me walk upon the waters where ever you would call me; take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger
in the presence of my Savior"