"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satistfied." Matthew 5:6

Sometimes you meet someone and you know right away that there is a relationship waiting to be built. You muddle around for a little, and then finally something clicks. All of a sudden you just become completely comfortable and drop any pretense you might have had. You just start being yourself, and open up your heart for whatever might happen next.

Sometimes I feel like I have wandered so far off the path that God wanted me to be on. But without fail, every time I go back into His word and trust Him with my life rather than trying to do it on my own, He shows me His faithfulness. He opens my eyes to the love He has for me in a different way each time. Sometimes I don’t even realize it until after the fact, and other times it seems to surround be instantly.

This was one of those instantaneous times, I believe. I wrote to Him, broken and tired of hurting and trying to do things my own way, and I dove into His word.  Immediately I was filled with peace. He restored my joy, and I could genuinely smile again. I felt free from the suffering I was putting myself through. But He didn’t stop there. Someone was brought into my life that I believe is truly a blessing. I can’t say much else about it now without sounding like an annoying, cliché teenager, but I can say that God knows my heart and I can testify from experience how personal of a God he really is.

 No matter what happens in my life though, In every up and every down, I have to live in the promise that God made me that He will always love me, and always be faithful. The things He blesses me with in the world are nice, but trivial in the long run. If I lose sight of Him I lose everything.

I am truly blessed beyond measure.

Journal till the pages fall out

My journal has seen so much pen action these past few weeks. People aren't joking when they say college is so much different than high school. It's the third week but most days it feels like it's been three months. Not that I'm complaining. I've made so many friends and already had so much fun. College is incredible. But nothing can prepare you for the feeling you get when you go to get your clean laundry from the dryer and you find it thrown on the counter with no remorse. And it's really no fun when the people above you and next to you think it's okay to talk all night and slam doors at 1am.
So far it's been a journey filled with friendships, likes and dislikes, and self-discovery. I'm incredibly blessed to already have an established group of friends (Lacey, Hannah, Madison, Jesse, Rachael, Ben//couldn't live without them) that I know I can count on and trust. At one point Ben and I might have considered becoming more than friends, but we quickly discovered that the only thing for us is your above average awesome friendship. I couldn't be any more grateful for these great people in my life. I like my art class, and I completely dislike my math class. I like eating expensive sushi at the Chinese place in the student center and I really dislike the chewy rice you get at Chow. I could go on for days. As for the self-discovery, it's incredible how much you can learn about yourself just by reading back on the old entries in your journal. I am such an unfaithful person it seems. So many entries detailing my emotions and my feelings at the moment, and so little about long-term commitment and goals. My focus wavers so easily, and I am incredibly indecisive. These are things I see in the mirrors that I know don't reflect God. So I have to work, and pray, and let God have his way in my heart. I can't hold onto my feelings for the fleeting moment, I have to let myself nail down definite things in my life and keep the commitment. I have to live with the choices I make even if they suck. I can't waver in my decisions, because that produces unfaithfulness. The last thing I want in this world is to be unfaithful to my friends, my future husband, my commitments, and most importantly my God. So I start on a path that I'm not going to turn my back on. I'm not alone though; my Savior walks beside me, faithful in every step. Even in my unfaithfulness he can't help but to remain faithful to me. I'll never understand that, but I know that's where I find my peace right now.

Next year I hope to look back at that tattered journal of mine with it's scrawly writing and song lyrics spilling out the binding and see the growth in my life. Spiritual, personal, and actual.
 

 "Spirit lead me when my trust is without borders; let me walk upon the waters where ever you would call me; take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger
in the presence of my Savior"

Confessions from my dorm room

As I sit high above my dorm room on a lofted bed that I can't quite seem to figure out how you're supposed to get on or off, I sit in the bewilderment that I have just finished my first week of college. It's a pretty weird feeling. It's hard to believe a week ago I was shoving things into this tiny little room and wondering what on earth it was going to be like living here. But here I am, eating EasyMac and already procrastinating on reading something for my World Civ class.

College is amazing. From the moment I stepped onto this hallway, everything has just been perfect it seems. I have the world's best roommate. We get along so well (even though I had no doubt we would be fine) and our schedules coincide perfectly. Our room is relatively clean, and of course decorated with a million pictures and little knick knacks. Our RA is kick-butt awesome. She's super fun, extremely nice, and really genuine. Our hall is filled with girls who are so great in so many different ways. We sit in the hall sometimes and we all just talk for hours. I have fantastic professors in ALL of my classes, which is such a blessing, especially after hearing some of the professor horror stories around here. There's always something to do (and eat) and you really don't get the chance to be bored very often. I can't say enough good stuff about this past week. I can however highlight what I feel is truly the most amazing, and what I consider a blessing straight from God. The fantastic friends I've made already gotten so close to. Rachael, Hannah, Madison, Lacey and I became friends within a day. At this point it feels as though I have known them for much longer than a week. I couldn't be more grateful for these encouraging and spectacular girls. I have such high aspirations for the fun we'll have and the memories we'll make together. 

So yeah, in case you were wondering, college rocks. 

Immeasurably more.

In 3 days I move into my dorm. I start an entirely new life, filled with new freedom, new choices, and new experiences. And it's starting to hit me just how incredibly different life is going to be. I'm nervous in some ways; nervous that I may not be as strong in my faith as I think I am; nervous that I will stick out when I claim to be a Jesus lover. But God steps in and shows me that He is holding me in His almighty hands. My roommate and I were best friends in 8th grade, and we kept in touch all through high school. She has incredible faith, and walks so humbly with The Lord. She's already talking with me about visiting churches when we can't make it to Passion, and about the different organizations they have on campus that we could get involved in. I am entirely too blessed to have her in my life. But it doesn't stop there. God does the immeasurably more to show just how much He cares about me. As it turns out, a girl who was a counselor with me over the summer (Anna) is going to North Georgia too. She and I bonded that week over funny stories of the crazy kiddos we were with all week, and on a more personal level on many occasions. Right before we left to go home from that week of camp, I asked her where she was living and who her roommate was. She told me which dorm and that the girl's name  she was rooming with was Keegan. I didn't think too much of it but promised her we would hang out all the time when we got up there. Well, a few weeks later Lacey (my roommate) came over and spent the night. As we were getting ready for bed the name Keegan suddenly popped into my head. I couldn't think of any reason why, so I just kind of brushed it aside. Then, at like 3am (yes, we were definitely still up talking such) I remembered why Keegan was such a familiar name! When we went to orientation for college back in early June, we had roommates for the one night we stayed in the dorms. Lacey's roommate for that night, and a girl she became fast friends with was Keegan! I got to meet her and hang out with her a little, and I thought she was really sweet. But only God knew that our paths would cross again in such a spectacular way! I texted my friend from camp to tell her, while Lacey texted Keegan to ask her if she wanted to go to church with us that Sunday and to ask her if she was going to go to the BCM things that were planned. Keegan gave Lacey a definite yes, and told her how finding friends who were Christians was an answer to her prayer.

Don't you just love it when God does things in your life to remind you just how much He loves you?

Tell me my God isn't detail oriented and loving and I will tell you about His faithfulness to me. He is all powerful and without a doubt incredibly caring about even the little things in life.  My God is able to to immeasurably more than I could ever imagine.; my heart // life // soul are Yours. 

I can't comprehend.

"July 27th.

Sometimes I am just so broken into pieces about how much God loves me. I don't deserve it at all. But I can feel His presence and I can feel Him holding me, even when I am broken, and He shows me that He uses the broken, the weak, and the poor to do His mighty things. 

We are the children of Light."   

I wrote that in my Bible this morning as I was sitting on my bed. I didn't intend to get so overwhelmed by the glory of God, but then again, do I ever? He ceases to amaze me. I have SO many  shortcomings and faults, I feel like I am drowning in them sometimes. But then there's God calling out to me, "Start swimming! You are in my ocean of grace." Why did I get this grace? Why? I just don't understand it. I'm quickly reminded though that I'm not always supposed to understand it. What makes me think I can understand God's ways if I can barely understand how to solve a word problem in math class? God didn't save me from my sin so I could sit around and ponder why He'd save a sinner like me. He saved me so that I could see his unfailing mercy, even in places and times it makes no sense at all to show such a thing. He wants me to trust in Him, because He is sufficient. The ONLY   way I could ever accept the love and the grace and the mercy God shows me is by trusting Him.

I still  can't help but wonder why, though. Why save me? He of course gives me an answer. He saved me so that he could USE ME. He wants to use me in the lives of other people who are sinners like me. People living in their mediocrity and their comfortable lifestyles. He wants to use me to show them that isn't living. Life is found in Jesus Christ. Fulfillment is found in Jesus Christ. Not in the latest iWhatever, the newest boyfriend, or the job you have. I was saved by my Jesus to live a life boldly proclaiming His name and His love, and a live that will most always be out of my comfort-zone. That's because Jesus isn't found in your comfort-zone. He's found walking across the water in the storm. He's found high on the mountain tops. He's found associating with those considered trash in society's standards. He's found reaching out to the lost, living amongst the poverty, and praying with the outcasts.

So I have to make a choice. Will I remain comfortable? Sitting on my comfy bed typing this on my iPad with my cool new pink keyboard? Or will I take Jesus' hand and let Him lead me into the waves on the stormy sea so that I can walk with Him and experience my purpose in Him? I read a quote in a book I'm reading called "Kisses from Katie." she said in one of her journal entries, "God's glory has fallen down into this place and is soaking us even deeper than the rain. I never want to be dry." I want to live that life. A life saturated in God's glory, pouring out His love. I never want to be dry.

It's been a while...

Sometimes things start going so fast that you forget about all the litle things that your supposed to do and then things unravel. May was just a crappy month for me. It shouldn't have been. I had so much to be thankful for, and so many wonderful things happened in my life. But I began to try and do things myself again, and lost sight of the peace of Christ that I was resting in. I sunk into the "I'm not good enough" or "no one likes me" mindset again and got lost in my thoughts.
But, I graduated and walked out of that high school and didnt look back. It was refreshing. I was out of town the first week of summer and that was just so awesome. My youth choir went to Columbia, South Carolina and shared the love of Christ with a diverse crowd of people. From inmates at a juvenile detention center to those residing in a homeless shelter, we shared the love of Christ. I can home feeling extremely blessed.
I guess you could say I took the month of June off? I've tried to be alone as little as possible and spend as much time as I can with my family. And when I am alone, I strive to be journaling or in the Word instead of on social media. I deleted the people and the sites I didn't need and the things that brought me down, and focused on Christ. I desire to rest in His peace. It's been a good month. But that's what a mind set on Jesus can do for you.
July should be interesting. I am going to be a camp counselor for 5 eight year old girls the week of the 13th! I couldn't be more excited about that. Family vacation is the week prior to that, and it's a beach trip. My favorite. :)
I apologize that this was so lengthy, I just felt like I needed to update since I've been slackin' on posting. It's one of my goals to post more, especially since classes for college will be starting in Mid-August!
So, yay for summer and the good things that come with this great season.

Okay so life is overwhelming

As if you didn't already know that.

But can I just reiterate..... OVERWHELMING.
It's like one thing after another! For weeks I've felt like no matter how many times I tried to get back up, something else just knocked me back down.
Until I talked to my mom and best friend tonight.
Tonight, I decided I'm not going to go to prom this year. Instead, I'm going to spend the evening with my awesome parents, and my best friend, India. It will be a perfect birthday/prom celebration. I am overjoyed with excitement! When I called India to make sure she'd be able to come, she told me that she got her gym membership! Now as trivial as that sounds, her getting that means so much to me. I've had so many friends make tons of empty promises to me. But the fact that India has kept each and every one of them, including the one that she was going to work out with me, only furthers the fact that she is a true friend and that I am SO lucky to have her.
God is really molding me in this time of my life. Even though I have moments where I feel incredibly alone, I remember the wonderful people he has put in my life, and I don't feel so alone anymore. I know that when May 25th comes (and I really need it to come fast) that I will walk across that stage with dignity, and covered in the grace and love of God. I will walk across that stage knowing I put a wholehearted effort into my school work, and into living for Him. The best part is, I don't even care if I'm the only person in the room who knows it. Because I know that if I'm working hard to live for Christ then He will recognize that. And living for Jesus is all I want to do with my life.